


Gods Don't Have to Deal With Gender, So Why Do I Have To?

by OhBoyOrion



Category: Dishonored (Video Games)
Genre: Heists, Post-Dishonored: Death of the Outsider, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, its my headcanon and i do what i want, its self projection, tags will be updated when chapter 2 comes out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-01-23 23:36:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21328546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhBoyOrion/pseuds/OhBoyOrion
Summary: The Void didn’t seem to care who was its patron, just that it had one, and that patron could take any form they pleased. That screaming voice stopped after that.Unfortunately, in the rare event of the patron being released from the Void, their form reverts to its original self.
Relationships: Billie Lurk | Meagan Foster & The Outsider
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i made the content i wanted to see, if you dont like, dont read, simple as that

The Outsider can’t remember his previous life of living on the streets. He knew that the cultists took him from those streets, treated him like royalty for a single day, and then killed him for their own sick desires. He doesn’t know his name, the name of his hometown, his parents, his siblings (if he even _had_ any), or anything to go off that would lead him to some distant relative. He went without knowing so much about himself for so long, that he often forgets that there was something that always bugged him, and after a long while he forgot what it was in the first place. But there was always something at the back of his mind telling him, _screaming_ at him to fix whatever it was. The Void didn’t seem to care who was its patron, just that it had one, and that patron could take any form they pleased. That screaming voice stopped after that.

Unfortunately, in the rare event of the patron being released from the Void, their form reverts to its original self.

The Outsider realizes this now, standing in front of the full length mirror he uncovered in his and Billie’s latest hideout. He’s wearing a lightly used but slightly over-sized dress shirt, buttoned all the way from bottom to top, and a pair of briefs he was lucky enough to buy with the few coins he had. Most people would find this outfit to be quite comfortable late at night, possibly getting home from a party and being too tired to change into proper sleepwear. Well this was the only outfit choice available to sleep in, and he thought he would have been fine with it. Clothes are just fabric to cover certain parts.

It’s fine.

…

Except it’s not, because right now, the Outsider is trying his best to not start screaming at his reflection, _this is wrong, why is this wrong, I wasn’t this way in the Void, why is this WRONG?_

The entirety of his body is too soft, too smooth, his limbs are stick thin and feminine, and his chest, by the Void his _chest_, there’s too much, it’s not supposed to stick out so much, not supposed to be noticeable. His hips are slightly too wide, his body too curved, there’s a gap in his thighs that’s too empty- _there’s supposed to be something there, right?_

His hair is too soft, it grows too quick, his face is so much more rounded than it was in the Void. Everything is different outside the Void.

Everything is wrong outside the Void.

The Outsider doesn’t know how long he stands there glaring at his own reflection as he gets more annoyed, then frustrated, then furious, and just as he feels his fist tighten and prepare to drive itself into the dusty glass, there’s a hand on his shoulder.

He doesn’t know when Billie got there or how long she’d been standing behind him, but her warm hand on his shoulder snaps him out of his spiraling mind.

“Hey,” her voice is soft, and to any other person she might sound uninterested in the situation, but the Outsider hears the worry in her tone, the unspoken question of ‘_are you alright?_’

“Hi,” his own voice sounds too high pitched and when it cracks, that’s all Billie needs to know that he is most certainly not alright, and it’s all the Outsider needs for his frustration to burst like a dam in his chest. Despite gritting his teeth and blinking away the tears, it’s all too much, and he starts to cry.

Billie automatically turns the Outsider around and pulls him to her chest. He cries into her shoulder as she rubs his back and sways them side to side. _He needed this_, she thinks, because Void only knows how much somebody can take before their anger turns to tears.

The two of them only briefly talked about this whole thing. As soon as the Outsider’s body fell into her arms all those months ago at Shindaerey Peak, she knew there was something off about him, and from their later conversation in a small abandoned apartment, he knew too.

“_There’s something off about you_,” she had said.

“_Yes, there is,_” was his short answer.

“_And it’s not the whole ‘being mortal again’ thing_.”

“_No, it’s not_.”

“..._Let me know if there’s anything I need to do_.”

“_I will_.”

“_That includes needing somebody killed if they mess with you_.”

That managed to get a laugh out of him, and they both silently agreed to end the conversation there.

Billie hasn’t had to kill anybody yet, and she’s glad for that. She wishes she could kill that voice she knows is in his head, however. It’s the reason he stands in front of the mirror, hating every part of his own body. She knows he hates his chest the most, but luckily, she found some people, and they helped her with a solution. She waits until the Outsider is silent, most likely dozing off while still standing up. He doesn’t weigh much though.

“I have something for you,” she says, and the Outsider turns his head out of the crook of her neck.

“What is it?” he mumbles, still half asleep.

“Sit down, I need to go get it really quick,” she waits for him to back out of her arms and sit on the dusty old couch in their shared space. He sits with legs to his chest, ankles crossed and arms wrapped around himself. He watches Billie walk to the kitchen and come back with her bag. She reaches her arm in and rummages for a second before stopping.

“Close your eyes,” she commands, and the Outsider obeys, amused. He jumps as a small bunch of fabric lards on his head.

“Hey, don’t do that!” he laughs and picks the fabric off himself. He examines it for a moment. It’s a very odd shirt of some sort. The sleeves are cut so there’s only about an inch or two going across each shoulder, and if he puts it on it would barely reach the bottom of his ribcage. The Outsider holds it up to see it better. The fabric is soft but thin and surprisingly elastic. The front seems to be more firm than the rest, and on the inside he finds plain canvas preventing it from stretching.

He is confused.

“What is this?”

Billie sighs.

“I really thought you would figure it out. It’s a binder, you dolt.” She sets her bag by the couch and sits next to him in a much more relaxed position.

“A binder…” he repeats, and then, “Oh, _oh shit really_? Wait, what- where did you get this?” He’s excited, and Billie can see the Outsider holding back a smile.

“I found some people willing to help. Go put it on, I want to see how it looks.”

He doesn’t ask any more questions as he gets up and dashes out of Billie’s sight to change. He quickly takes off his shirt, puts the binder on with only a slight struggle, puts his shirt back on, and dashes back to where Billie is waiting. She laughs when she sees him.

“Despite the fact that you managed to really fuck your hair up and buttoned your shirt wrong, it’s a good fit,” she sounds sincere, and the Outsider almost starts crying again because somehow one of his biggest problems is suddenly _not noticeable anymore_.

“Oh, Void, Billie, this is- wow, okay I’m- Billie, _thank you_, I think I owe you a lot more than my life now,” she laughs at that and motions for him to sit back down.

“Thank me later, kid, there’s more,” for a moment, the Outsider looks panicked.

"Nothing bad, it’s just going to be a lot and it will take some time to actually accomplish.” He relaxes slightly, but the apprehension is still there.

“Are you finally going to tell me what you’ve been doing every night for the past several weeks?” Of course the Outsider noticed her late night absences, and Billie expects nothing less if they’re stuck with each other for a while.

“Sit down, shut up, and listen, because yes, my secret escapades are being revealed, which doesn’t happen normally. Consider yourself lucky,” the Outsider chuckles at her dramatics. He’s noticed how much they’ve started to mimic each other.

“So,” Billie leans her elbows on her knees and prepares to lay out her plan, “We’re going to Addermire to talk to Doctor Hypatia. She’s been working with other doctors and after some talking, I believe she has the resources to help you, and possibly others like you, deal with your situation.” Not even half way done with her explanation and the Outsider has _so many_ questions.

“I’m…. having trouble believing all of this, oh wow. When are we going?” his voice trembles slightly, from excitement, and also a little fear.

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow!? But the waiting list is two months! How did- wait, you’ve been planning this for weeks, Billie what the fuck-“ Billie sees the waterworks start up again.

“Hey, stop that! Save the tears for the end, I’m not done!” She playfully kicks his knee as he pulls himself back together.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, you just keep saying things and I’m having trouble processing it all,” The Outsider rubs his eyes as he says this, and Billie pulls him closer to the center of the couch to lean on her. _He’s had too much emotions for one day_, she decides.

“I can save the rest for tomorrow morning if you want, it’s getting late and we haven’t had dinner.” The Outsider agrees with a nod and removes himself from Billie’s side.

“Yes, I’d like to hear the rest after I’ve had time to process what you’ve already told me. What do you have in mind for dinner?” Billie hums and pretends to think for a moment.

“That high-end restaurant down the street is getting a fresh shipment of supplies, I say we go take a look.” The Outsider frowns.

“Billie, you and I both know we can’t pay for a meal from that place, it’s far too expensive.” Billie laughs and gives him a look that says ‘_Who said anything about paying?’_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lets get that bread, gamers!  
literally

Half an hour later, the sun has crawled its way to the horizon line and begun its descent into the water. There’s just enough light for Billie and the Outsider to scan their destination from atop a jewelry store across the street. The wealthier citizens of Karnaca dine at the Gulls Eye and always demand the freshest food. With whaling and fishing being the more common jobs in the Isles, most of their food is some sort of sea creature, but Billie knows the Outsider doesn’t eat whale meat, and she won’t push him to do so. However, she’s been memorizing their delivery schedule for weeks now, with shipments coming in less than a week apart, but always on the same days of the month. She found that every third week of the month they get a surprisingly small shipment of different Serkonan meats, and practically every other shipment has fruits from across the Isles, and it all arrives directly from the ship into the kitchen, being right next to the water. Bread doesn’t travel well sometimes, and the cooks at the Gulls Eye don’t want to take any risks, so most of the bread is made in the restaurant. Billie figures she can slip in undetected and get enough to last the week, and maybe get a few things to make a soup of some type.

They have a straightforward plan; Outsider has Billie’s voltaic gun and a handful of hagpearls, since he doesn’t even feel comfortable knocking people unconscious. Billie supposes that’s ok, it creates less suspicion since nobody will end up just disappearing, though it keeps security tight. Should it come to it, Billie has a small close-range crossbow and a few sleep darts, just in case something goes wrong. She will go down near the back of the restaurant and wait until there’s nobody looking and make her way to the shipment crates. Outsider will scout from his current perch semi-hidden by a chimney. The street lights provide enough light that the Outsider can differentiate between Billie and the shipment crew, and if one of them starts to get too close to where Billie is, he’s going to shoot a hagpearl to lure them away. That will also serve as a signal to Billie to  _ hurry the fuck up and get the bread you promised.  _ Once Billie gets the meat, she’s going to quickly get to a safe distance away and put it where Outsider can retrieve it, to prevent the risk of dropping something.

Getting into the kitchen will be the hard part, since the entrance is a short, narrow hallway, but the way the place was built gives Billie lots of rafters and exposed air ducts to travel on when she gets inside. Outsider won’t be able to scout for her, all he can do is wait.

Lucky for Billie, she still can use her powers, and only needs to Displace a few times when the plan goes into action. The entire thing should take less than five minutes. They’ll be back in their hideout within the hour.

Even with the plan clearly discussed, Outsider still feels apprehensive. What if something goes wrong? What if there’s more people there than what they expected? There are so many minor things that could happen to make their dinner plans go down the drain. Despite his fear, Outsider pushes the thoughts away. If he loses focus, something _will_ go wrong, and neither of them will be able to eat_. We’ll be fine_, he thinks, _going a night without food isn’t the end of the world_.

“Are you ready?” Billie asks him. He responds with a nod, and Billie take it as her queue to go. She Displaces herself to the rooftop of the Gulls Eye and jumps into the alley behind it that leads to the shipment dock. Outsider doesn’t have constant sight of here, as she keeps Displacing herself across the yard and between boxes, and briefly mistakes a few workers for her. In one of her brief absences, he looks to the front entrance of the building. There’s a slight commotion, a small crowd gathering around to see which local noble decided to dine out tonight. Outsider furrows his brow in thought, _most people wouldn’t bat an eye at a local noble out on the streets, why is this one so special? _In the few seconds he’s staring at the restaurants new patron, they turn and seem to look directly at him. It’s not exactly something he was expecting, and he’s sure he wouldn’t mind being spotted on the rooftops by any other civilian, but even with a dozen meters of space between them, Outsider feels like that single look is burning his skin. The look feels familiar, in a way, but both Outsider and the noble look away at the same time. He still feels his skin burning, like he’s ashamed of being caught.

He shakes himself out of his thoughts and refocuses his sight on Billie when she stands on top of a crate and raises her Void arm so it briefly catches the light of the lanterns placed around the area. Billie gestures towards the box she’s standing on, mimics trying to open it, then makes a motion like she’s hammering a nail down.

_This is the box. Can’t open, nailed shut. _He responds with a helpless sort of shrug, _what do you want me to do? _Billie leans down to grab something and comes back up with a crowbar. She places it in position to open the box but stops and looks back up at the Outsider. Then she looks over near the entrance to the kitchen and points to a metal contraption next to the door. There’s a thick cord coming out of it connected to some of the lights in the yard. She looks back at him and nods, _go ahead, and hurry!_

_Oh. Whale oil tank, conveniently left uncovered. _He hesitates while taking aim, he didn’t think these pearls were strong enough to make a tank explode, but Billie wouldn’t suggest it if they didn’t. He has to take a moment to think about how gravity will affect the pearl while in the air, because Void knows he might miss all the shots, and he glances back at Billie to see if she has any more vague hand gestures only to see that she isn’t anywhere to be seen and there’s a guard walking towards where she was. _Fuck it_, he thinks, and he takes aim slightly above his mark, and he prepares to pull the trigger.

There’s a soft _click_ of the trigger, a _thwp! _as the string pulls taut, and after a split second, a _clink_ against glass as the hagpearl hits its mark. One of the workers hears the sounds and faces the tank as it both shatters and explodes. The lights go out and everyone panics and heads towards the no-longer-existent whale oil tank.

It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust to the lack of light, but when they do, Outsider sets his sights back where he last saw Billie. She’s not there, but the crate is open and less full than what is must have been before.

The Outsider is slightly disappointed that he didn’t get to see Billie’s escape, but as long as she made it out safe, he can’t complain. He hears a whistle down in the alley next to the jewelry shop and hurries to look over the edge. Down below is Billie, with a thick fabric bag full of raw meat. It looks to be about as big as half his torso, but a lot of it could be bone. Billie gives a thumbs up, and the Outsider gives one back as she Displaces back across the street to retrieve some fruits, vegetables, and hopefully bread.

The guards are still gathered around the remains of the whale oil tank, and the Outsider watches as Billie slips into the kitchen without being noticed. All he can really do is wait. His heart is beating quick in his chest, and the adrenalin in his veins makes him feel like he must run far from Karnaca, but he can’t leave Billie, and he knows it’ll pass. It’s his first big heist, but he might as well get used to this sort of activity, and maybe do it himself a few times. The thought doesn’t sit right with him, and it only adds to the anxiety that something could go wrong. The Outsider supposes he can close his eyes for a moment as he waits for Billie and focus his thoughts elsewhere to ignore the ever-present gnawing in his stomach. He sits and leans against the chimney.

He truly wants to know what all Billie has planned for tomorrow, and he has no idea what he is in for. Hypatia can help him, he’s _stoked_ about that, but he can’t figure out what else Billie wants to share that could possibly make him emotional again. The Outsider huffs at his own impatience, another downside of being mortal. Emotions, sensitive senses, and actively having to keep himself alive is really an exhausting process. Sometimes he misses the simplicity of godhood.

_No, not godhood, just having a few powers was enough_, he thinks.

He must have spent a while in his thoughts, because suddenly there’s the static feeling of the Void behind him and somebody behind him.

“Billie!” He almost falls over as he stands to turn and greet her, “You’re back sooner than I expec-” The Outsider stops, mostly because he’s being shoved, _painfully_, against the bricks behind him by the hand around his throat, and also because _it’s not Billie._ It’s too dark for him to see, but they’re tall, taller than him by at least half a foot. It’s too dark to see their face, just the outlines of each feature, yet he can see the outline of their body well enough, slim but well built. Just by looking, anyone could tell that they’re strong, but the Outsider doesn’t need to look to know, his feet are completely off the fucking ground. He can feel their gaze burning into his skin again, and he feels exposed somehow.

_Well, I guess this is how I die, I’ve barely been alive for a quarter of the year_, the Outsider thinks as his assailant leans closer to get a better look at him.

“Who are you? Why are you stealing from this place?” and if the Outsider was still currently able to breathe, he would have gasped, because that is _not_ a voice he ever expected to hear again. The hand on his throat loosens ever so slightly, almost enough to get full words out if he tried, but he’s currently panicking because the Outsider doesn’t know how to get him to let go so they can _both_ explain why they’re here and _where in the Void is Billie?_

The Outsider feels the Void crackle in the air around them, and just in time, Billie appears, her blade unsheathed as she rushes forward.

“ _ Let him go you rat bastard! _ ” and the Outsider is suddenly on his knees gasping for breath as the other two parties rush each other, and for a moment he’s only able to watch. Swords locked together, Billie Displaces herself behind her opponent, and narrowly avoids getting knocked on her ass by the Windblast he sends at her. She retaliates with a Void Strike but misses as he leans out of its way like it was nothing. It feels like a thousand years before the Outsider finally regains enough breath to shout, “Billie! Corvo!  _Stop!_"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is definitely going to be longer than 2 chapters i decided, lets hope i dont abandon this fic like i have all my others!


End file.
